In Your Face

So, you're a vegan, republican, pro-life, pot-smoking, cigarette-hating, wiccan feminist who's into polyamory. And you're having trouble dating.

Funny how that works.

Okay, maybe that's an extreme case, but your belief system can have a major impact on your dating life. Not necessarily what you believe (though that normally plays a part) but also how you share your beliefs. As a single guy, I'm looking for a woman with similiar values overall, but if she's willing to be flexible and not force her beliefs on me, I'm willing to listen.

One of the hardest things I've had to learn as an adult is "how to pick my battles." What are "deal-breakers?" What's worth fighting for? What can I let slide? I'm not willing to date smokers (they smell bad and I have an amazing sense of smell) or moms (I'm not willing to be #2). I'd prefer to date someone who eats meat. However, if the right woman showed up and she was a vegetarian or vegan, I'd take a chance.

As long as she didn't try to convert me.

If red meat really offends her and she asks nicely, then I'll avoid ordering it when I'm around her. In return, if I'm out with a group I don't want to listen to her freaking about one of my friend's oredering a burger.

Example, I have a friend who's a vegan who freaks out when I wear my leather jacket or says things like, "If you hadn't put the cream in, that Italian Soda looks really good." I know she's vegan, I respect that, but keep it friendly and not in my face. If she said, "please don't hug me when you're wearing you leather jacket" I'd be fine with that and would respect her wishes. Instead she says "Ewwwww...leather!!"

To quote from Buffy The Vampire Slayer:

Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet or whatever, but get over it.

I am so tempted to turn my leather duster inside out, come up behind her, and wrap it around her when she's not looking.

You are much more likely to help your cause in most cases by being polite that by being annoying. This is true for most things in life. I'm very pro-women's-rights and I had a major argument about holding the door open for women. I thought it was courteous, she thought it was sexist and needed to argue the point and ended up just pissing me off.

Thereby alienating an ally.

I'm not saying "don't stand up for your beliefs," I'm saying, "be polite and reasonable when you stand up for your beliefs."

Big difference.

Good Luck!!!

- "Mr. Nice Guy"